Alone shouldn't mean lonely
Travelling is so much richer when you put yourself out there, meeting and mixing with people from the community and learning from fellow vagabonds
Sixty-something solo. It’s that last word that seems to intimidate so many of the people who have told me they could never do a trip like this. We are social creatures; any conscious decision to cut ourselves off from the tethers of our familiar lives and leap into the unknown is seen as alternately adventurous, crazy, brave or reckless. Yet hundreds of thousands of people do this every day. Humans are social creatures, but for most of our existence, we have also been migrators. Sometimes we are explorers looking for new horizons or greener pastures. But more often, it seems, we are simply seeking freedom. Freedom from poverty, from starvation, from war and violence that includes rape, enslavement and genocide. We live in a world where migration is driven not by opportunity but more often by a lack of the same.
From that perspective, nothing I am doing seems brave to me. I am not spending my family’s life savings to cross a desert, a jungle, or a rough sea in a shoddy boat teeming with people whose desperation is as keen as my own. I am here because my privilege allows me the luxury of travelling to see other parts of the world, to experience unfamiliar societies, to observe and absorb some of their culture, customs and views of the world.
The decision to do it on my own is also something I don’t take for granted. I’m all too aware that solo travelling for a middle-class white man is, in most places, much safer than it is for women and for people from racialized backgrounds, religious minorities, or from LGBTQ2+ communities. Yes, there are places in the world where who I am or how I look might put a target on my back, but that list is so much shorter for me than for most people on the move through choice — or lack of one.
I will try to keep these things in mind as I offer, in this column and others, a little advice from the road as a solitary traveller. And since I have begun today with such a glum introduction, let me change the tone a little by tackling the first challenge in any solo sojourn.
Alone shouldn’t mean lonely
I’ve met a lot of people on the road, and even made a few good friends. It’s not that hard, especially if you’re visiting places that attract people like yourself. The internet and social media make it easy to find the local social groups, whether it’s a Meetup event or a formal Expat group. The great thing about these groups is that virtually everyone is there for the same reason as you: to make connections, to find people with common interests, to break away from the isolation or loneliness that can sour your travels as quickly as a Grandpa Giuseppe’s homemade Grenache.
I had some misconceptions about groups like these, so let’s tackle some of those.
I’ll only meet other tourists or expats. I’d rather get out and meet the locals. I’ve actually met quite a few locals at Meetup events, especially any activity to do with language exchange. People are looking for opportunities to practice their English and are glad to give you a hand with their language in exchange. And many excursion-type Meetups consist almost entirely of locals.
Also, don’t dismiss how useful your fellow travellers can be with information about the place you’re visiting. Unlike the natives, there’s a good chance they have actually been to the sites you’d like to explore. (Think about it, my Montréal readers: how much do you know about the current exhibits at the Museum of Fine Arts?)
Locals are good for directing you to what’s happening in pop culture and cuisine, the offbeat or off the beaten track. But you often can’t beat fellow tourists for up-to-date knowledge about museums, tours and tips for saving money.
Don’t get me wrong. The last thing I think you should do is spend all your time with other travellers. To paraphrase George Thorogood, when I travel alone, I prefer to be by myself. I like the independence of choosing my own path. Your fellow wanderers can be great sources of advice, however, about the other places they’ve been that might also be on your list. Or about places you’d never thought of or even heard of. And there’s nothing travellers like better, I find, than sharing the lessons they’ve learned on the road.
That’s why I am off to Montpellier this week, in fact, after I got a hearty endorsement from an American woman, Lisa, who is in her 40s but is semi-retired and like me has been exploring France solo. Lisa has been to a dozen cities so far and had nothing but praise for Montpellier, which is a stone’s throw from the French Mediterranean. I met her at a Meetup where I also ran into a Moroccan living in Toulouse who gave me good advice about my upcoming trips to Casablanca and Marrakesh in December. That same night I had an interesting exchange with an Egyptian AI expert about its use in translation and medicine. Okay, so that chat might not help my travel queries, but keeping the intellect nourished is as important as keeping your body in shape.
And who knows? You might even want to invite these new acquaintances to do something together. You could find other people tolerable company on that bike ride or hike you wanted to take alone, or just to meet for coffee and talk about the next steps on your respective journeys. You may be going in different directions, but keeping in touch virtually can pay dividends in the end if someday you find yourself in their part of the world or plan on visiting a site that they know well.
Another thing I have found great for avoiding too much time on your own is to use your social media to let friends and acquaintances know where you are going. That’s how my friend Mo let me know he was in Geneva and how my childhood friend John and I got together in Lyon where, coincidently, he and his wife were visiting the same three days I had picked for a short visit.
Another friend, Siobhàn, put me in touch with a friend of hers, Émilie, from her university days in Toulouse. Émilie was kind enough to take me along on a family excursion where I became fascinated with the subject of the visit, the home of the man who built France’s iconic Canal du Midi.
Facebook was also the vehicle I used to reconnect with a former Montreal Gazette colleague who spends half her year in France. Fortunately, Charlie was at her place not far from Toulouse when I got here and, through Charlie and her husband Jean-Claude, I made a few new friends, including Ann, an Irish expat who has been a treasury of practical travel advice and great company. Because of Facebook posts, I also managed to meet up with two other Montreal friends who were visiting Toulouse in September: one because she saw my post about Toulouse (Sharon), another because I saw one of hers (Cherine)!
The biggest advantage of sailing solo is that you are free to change course on a whim. But any decent sailor knows the wisdom in taking guidance from people who’ve plied the same waters and know what kind of storms to expect and where the best ports are. Now, you can get some of that from guidebooks and websites and leaflets at the local tourism office, but how many of those tracts will engage you in conversation or offer you insight outside of a pre-programmed FAQ?
So that’s the big secret to avoiding loneliness on the road: find safe spaces to meet strangers or arrange to meet friends (or even friends of friends) and then, as Captain Picard would say: Engage!
Love your enthusiasm, Peter! Even the introvert in me is giving this piece two thumbs up. 👍👍